Skip to main content

6 Ways to Let Go of Toxic Relationships:

1. Seek a partner you can be yourself with and is easy to be close to. In other words, you don’t have to walk on eggshells with him or her. You feel safe in the relationship and free to express your thoughts, feelings, and desires openly without fear of rejection.
2. Set an expectation of mutual respect. You can accept, admire, and respect each other for who you are. If you don’t have respect for your partner, it will eat away at chemistry until you have nothing left.  But if he or she values you, gives you compliments, and encourages you to do things that are in your best interest, your partner will be a boost to your self-esteem.
3. Don’t compromise your values. Figure out your core beliefs and stand by them. Ask for what you need and speak up when something bothers you.
4. Be more assertive in relationships. If you want to form a new relationship based on trust you need to speak up when you have a concern or a request. Dating can help you learn what your non-negotiable or deal breakers are.
5. Plan to extend trust to a partner who is trustworthy.  Does your partner call when they say they’re going to?  Do they take you out when they say they’re going to do so? When someone is interested in a relationship, they keep their agreements.
6. Select a partner who talks about your future together. If he or she says they’re not ready for a commitment, take them seriously – they’re just not the right person for you.  Don’t waste your time on a relationship that doesn’t have a future.
People who are attracted to partners who hurt them often confuse chemistry and compatibility. In fact, they are both essential to a long-lasting healthy intimate relationship. Whereas chemistry (how interesting and stimulating you find the person) is essential to keeping couples interested, compatibility (sharing common values, goals, and having fun together) will help a couple get through tough times.
According to author Jill P. Weber, many girls learn to tune out their own inner voice due to their family experiences, and this prepares them for one-sided relationships in adulthood. Weber writes, “As a woman develops a strong core sense of self, fulfilling relationships will follow.” She posits that many women consistently put other’s needs first and end up in one-sided relationships. The consequence for girls can be profound, with girls and women dismissing their own needs and ending up with a depleted sense of self.
For example, Kathryn,  an outgoing 34-year-old, provided Brad with unconditional love and did her best to make up for his dysfunctional upbringing by trying to meet his every need. After they moved in together, she cooked Brad his favorite meals, did most of the laundry, and even helped take care of his four-year-old daughter on weekends.
Kathryn reflects: “It took a breakup for me to realize that I was not responsible for Brad’s happiness and can only truly make myself happy. He never treated me right and was unwilling to plan a future with me. Kathryn realized that she didn’t have any energy left for herself when she was so concerned about Brad’s well-being.  But since their split, she has been able to put more energy into her job and nurture other relationships and hobbies.
Is there something about the way your partner treats you that makes you a bigger and better person? If the answer is no, ask yourself: Am I settling for less than I deserve in the relationship? Research shows that one of the main reasons why people stay in bad relationships is the fear of being single.  If this is the case, gently remind yourself that you are a worthwhile person regardless of whether or not you are in a romantic relationship.
Many women stay in toxic relationships because they consistently put their partner’s needs before their own. Girls are often raised to focus on others and defer their own needs. Too often they are left with a depleted sense of self and they look for their partner to validate them. Keep in mind that emotional intimacy is not emotional dependency. If your relationship causes you to be anxious or causes you to question your sense of self, it may not be the best relationship for you.
Unless you have self-acceptance and self-love, you cannot believe you are worth loving just as you are. You might try to prove your worth through giving too much to others and being overly tolerant and patient.  Author Jill P. Weber writes: “The more you view others’ mistreatment of you as something you have the ability to fix, tweak, or amend, the harder it is to develop a positive sense of yourself. Seeing yourself exclusively from the eyes of others disconnects you from the day-to-day, moment-to-moment experience of your life.”

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What God Can Do in Five Seconds

God can do more in five seconds than we can do in five hours or months or years. This is one reason the habit of prayer is wise. Sometimes we do not get the five second breakthrough because we do not ask. To be sure, God ordains to do many good things through hours or months or years of labor. Prayer is not meant to replace toil. For example, God wills that a chapter be read, or a meal prepared, or a friend visited in the space of hours not seconds. He wills that a house be built in months not hours. He wills that a child be reared in years not months. But there are breakthroughs which could come in seconds. They often take us hours or days or months if they come at all. I have in mind especially the breakthroughs of insight that open a world of life changing truth and practical wisdom. All of Us Have Blind Spots and Blind Moments Many obstacles to joy and fruitfulness are owing to the fact that we cannot see reality the way it is. We cannot see the meaning of a biblical...
Post a Comment
Read more

There Is Life After This Matter!

x It’s a wonderful day to be a child of God.  Have you ever suffered tragedy within your family?  Maybe someone close to you passed away or a close friend betrayed your trust.  Have you ever had life hit you with something unexpected?  Out of no where, things began to go from bad to worse.  The plans you made were put on hold because an unforeseen circumstance required immediate intervention.  Have you ever watched someone you love fight for their life?  With your own eyes, you watched as this person fought for every breath they took.  You watched as this person, whom you loved, suffered and there was nothing you could do about it.  Have you ever been mad at yourself because you wanted to do more but there was nothing else to be done?  You did all you could possibly think of but things still did not change. O ften times life catches us off guard with situations we were not prepared for.  While things appear under contro...
Post a Comment
Read more

When You Pray

My brother, my sister, when you pray do you believe God is able to do what it is you stand in need of?  Do you believe the Lord can handle whatever you bring to Him?  Do you believe He can do anything but fail?  Are your prayers spent telling God about your problems or praising Him for His power?  Do you find yourself crying about matters that the Lord said He would take care of in due time?  Do you often doubt God hears your prayers?  Do you wonder if God has forgotten about you?  Do you sometimes feel as if everything around you is chaotic?  Sometimes, do you think one more bad report will push you over the edge? Beloved, if you answered “yes” to any of these questions, this morning’s devotional is for you.  I have been sent to remind you of two important things: When You Pray  always acknowledge that you are talking to God ( Genesis 18:14 ); and When You Pray  always close in the name of Jesus ( Acts 4:12 ). When...
Post a Comment
Read more